Friday, June 25, 2010

The Day I Lost My Beloved Father

On the 24th of June, at 11.30 p.m. I received a phone call from my brother asking me to fly from Sarawak back to Kuala Lumpur as soon as possible. He claimed that my mother was very ill and was going for operation for her knees as i knew she was suffering from arthritis. But i was having my biology exam on 25th of June, so I kinda hesitated. But my brother forced me to come and so does my mum, which is weird regarding her being the sick one, and that my father didn't even speak to me. He never did that. So I decided to take my flight first thing in the morning. But peculiarly i couldn't sleep all night. I feel hollow for some reason. I bathed at 4 in the morning and i was roaming around restlessly to wait for Miss Effa who will bring me to the Kuching International Airport. I couldn't even eat my breakfast for I was suffering from nausea. My flight took of at 9.30 a.m. and i arrived at LCCT Kuala Lumpur at 11a.m. Suddenly my aunt and uncle came to pick me up at the airport. Which Is way too weird. Then when i was in the car on the highway, my uncle broke the silence.
"You know that your father got a heart attack right?" He told me and at that moment my mind went blank, i could feel my heart stopped beating for a moment and my breath was caught on my throat. Of course i don't know, how dumb could he be to ask me such a question.
"Is he okay?" i asked.
"He's not okay." came my uncle's reply. But i still wouldn't loose the fight.
"You mean he's not okay as if he's in ICU or something but he's okay right?" This time i asked more sternly.
"No, he's not okay." The same answer. He's really starting ti piss me off.So i turn to my left, where one of my relative was sitting, Hanisah. I didn't ask her anything but she understood what i needed to know. Tear stated to flow down her cheeks and she just shake her head. That time i might have the slightest idea as to what happened but i was fighting that possibility so hard in my mind that i couldn't accept the mere idea. Can anyone just tell me what in the name of hell just happened. I just wanted to shout. But that's when the truth came.
"He passed away." Hanisah said. My head started to swarm and my eyes went blurry. I realized that i was hyperventilating. I was trying to register this piece of information in my dumb head.
I couldn't speak. I felt my lips move but i didn't feel my voice coming out. At last I manage to say "what?". My aunt explained that my father had a heart attack on 23 June at 2 a.m. He fell on the floor when he was peeing and didn't move at all. My brother and mum rushed him to the hospital. The doctor explained that my father had a severe heart attack, one of his valve in the heart burst, causing internal bleeding. His sugar level was 27 and he was in a very critical condition. Later on 24th of June his kidneys stopped functioning and one hour later he blow his last breath around 10.45 p.m. after the doctors have struggled to save him.
I cried and cried and cried.I screamed like hell in the car. I don't care anymore. I was too scared to get back home. They said that the reason they did not bury my dad yet was to wait for me to come. Once i reached the parking lot, i rushed to my house. But when i reach my house gate and saw my dad's body inside the house, i fell hard on the floor and start weeping. I keep saying to myself that this is not true. That sooner I'm going to wake up and i'm going to laugh at my own bad dream. But that soon never come. My brother picked me up and escorted me into the house. My dad, my hero was lying there motionless and it tore my heart apart. The hurt that i felt was unbearable and i was trembling from head to toe. I managed to kiss my father's forehead and his cheeks. He felt as cold as snow that it terrifies me to a level beyond imagination.My most beloved papa. Nothing and no one can ever replace him anymore. It feels as though i have lost a huge chunk of my soul. God why this have to happen to my family.
Everyone ask me to stop crying because they know that I'm a brave woman, but the truth is I'm not brave, I was so scared, so uncontrollable that i almost go berserk. The pain was too unbearable and I'm still 18 and young. This is just too much. I have been preparing for something bad when my mum wanted me to come back because my instinct sensed something like that and usually my instinct were never wrong but not for something worst. My heart couldn't take it and i kept crying for the whole day until my face cramp. I want him back, i want to seek forgiveness from him and tell him that i love him and i want to hug him and kiss him and treasure every moment i might have with him...but it was too late, he's gone. But only from his body not from this world. I can feel him looking down at me and staying by my side. i promised him once that no matter what happened I will continue my studies and one day become the best doctor. And i shall keep to that promise. All the memories that i had of him i will treasure till the day of my last breath and he will live forever in my heart and the heart of all those people he have come across in his life.
May Allah forgive all of his sins and open his ways to heaven. Amin.

In Memories Of Hj.Mohd Ibrahim Bin Esop a good man, a good husband and a good father.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The symbol Of A New Life

The smell of blood was pungent,
And bodies lay motionless around me,
Screams and pleads deafening me,
As war erupts,
Annihilating everything on its path.

I wondered,
Is this how it’ll ends,
Fear, rage, vengeance and hatred,
Burning mankind into nothing but ashes.

Tear slide down my stained cheeks,
I stand there in the heart of my birthplace,
Staring at the eyes of death itself,
And watching as buildings lay in ruins.

There’s nothing left,
Of what has once been hope,
Replaced by grief and despair.

But then I saw it,
A butterfly so serene,
Flying through the remnants,
Looking for a flower,
As I doubt that it will ever find one in a place as such.

Even so the butterfly never once daunted,
It keeps on looking, and looking and looking,
And it even came up to me,
As it tried landing on my face.

I laughed at its persistency,
But in the middle of nothing,
Was a little flower among the dirt,
The symbol of a new life.

Now I know that hope never dies,
With everything that we endure,
It will either bring you down,
Or build you stronger than before.

I believe that it will all end,
For war can never overcome peace,
For it is after all the nature of life,
One day peace will be blessed upon us,
And that day shall be the day of our independence.


In My Heart

It was a cold rainy June day,
When you left my world so gray,
I still remember kissing your icy cold cheeks,
As warm tears slide from my eyes,
I still remember,
Those moments we shared in joy,
The memories we created,
and the dreams that we made,
But now,
it seems like ages away,
but every memories i treasured,
and every dreams i make come true,
Sometimes i can't believe you're gone,
You always swore you'd never leave me alone,
When i see all the other girls with their father,
The pain in my heart was unbearable,
If you were here, i know what I'd do,
I'll stay by your side and never let go,
But even though you're gone, You'll be forever,
In my heart.

I would like to dedicate this poems to those who have lost a father....
And to those who still have their father, please treasure each moment you
have with them , for you might not know what lies a head....
Happy Father's Day....

Sharinah Ibrahim