Wednesday, August 18, 2010
My Hero, Why Have You Left My World So Gray?
I kept staring into space for no reason. I could feel the hollowness in my heart as it grew bigger each second. To the eyes of others i might have been happy,and carefree, but only i know how much i cry at nights thinking of the only missing part of my life...my hero, my papa...the man who raised me up to more than i can be. I still remember all those sweet thing that you did for me papa since the day i know the world till the very last moment of your life. You always said that i and Tarwin is your world and nothing is important to you than your family. And you have proved it so many times that you and only you became the man of our highest respectation.
Do you still remember when i was seven years old and i did a very terrible mistake and you accidentally burnt my hand? the scar is still visible on my right hand papa and believe me that I'm grateful that it happens, because every time i see the scar it reminds me of you and symbolizes that you're a part of me. Every single detail that i never cared before this, became the things that i hold so dearly because all of it reminds me of you. Like the time you'll tickle me when i'm angry or i'm sad in order to make me laugh. Some times it pisses me off that you do that to me but now i would do anything to get one chance...just another one chance to feel your hands ticking me....and to see the smile on your face and the laughter in your eyes as you find my behavior funny. I can hear the laughter fading as tear started to roll down my cheeks.
Every time mama called me, i couldn't stop myself from crying because i know she's all alone in the house. I can feel her sorrow and pain and i know that she cries every day, thinking about you. But she never told me, she'll pretend like she's so brave and that she can still continue with life so that i and Tarwin would be strong enough to keep on with our life. Even now i can still remember the way you and mama will fight about lots of things but the passion that the two of you radiate is so strong that none of that ever came in between you for i can see the love in your eyes and her's. So pure, so true. It always amazes me that every time you wake up from sleep the first person you'll search for is mama. You always said to me that she's the reason that you have became the man you are today.
Papa, i want to see you again, i want to touch you and kiss your cheeks like i always do when i go to school or before you went to work and i want to hug you tightly and never let go. I was so careless before for i have forgotten that life is like a journey, where there's a beginning, there always be an ending. I have hurt you a couple of times and in so many ways but still your love toward me never lessen even the the tiniest fraction....it only grew bigger. You really like it when i massage your head or your feet but stupid me, i have always sighed, mumble, pouted or even refused to do it. I have always been dumb and a mindless jerk who happen to not realize that i was lucky to have you as my father. Oh god, how much i pray to once again touch my father's feet while he sleeps with a smile on his face.... too late......fate have gotten the best out of me.
But i still can make you happy...i believe it. You have worked so hard to give me proper education so that in the future i need not to suffer like you have during your youth. And so i will. I will do the best in my studies and make you proud of me. I will always pray for you that Allah The Almighty will forgive your sin and open the doors to heaven for you. And i will with no doubt take care of the other being in my life who meant so much to me as you do. Mama. I will never hurt her and i will treasure every moment i have with her.
I have learn my lesson. Life hold so many perplexity and death of a beloved one is one of it. The easiest way to overcome it would be to give up on life and keep on mourning forever, but the hardest way is to keep moving forward and strive to make life much better with only memories to hold on to. I guess life is always about making the hard choice because those who took the easy way always perish in mid journey.